Becoming the Elder Brother

Dear Ian,

On Friday evening, when you little brother was having fever, and was lying on the mattress, you shouted for us to come over as you felt that something wasn’t right. And thanks to your timely call I managed to carry your 弟弟 to the bathroom, before he vomits all over himself. Your assessment and alertness was both timely and observant. Thanks.

I know it can be difficult to be an elder brother. 哥哥, and I am the younger of the siblings too. Thankfully your mother is the elder of her siblings and hopefully, you can get a better on-job-training with her. Notwithstanding my lack of experience being an elder sibling, the point is that it ain’t easy. Your 弟弟 will always wants the best for himself and puts the blame on you so often for so many things you shouldn’t be blamed for.

Sometimes, I can see that you are so frustrated giving in to 弟弟 by default that I’m sure when you are older, you will scream ‘Unfair!’ Well, that is life.

But I can see that you are doing well, taking this responsibility in your stride. As willful as your 弟弟 is, I can see that he trusts you a lot. and those play time and fight times you two have, helped build this bond. Sometimes, as a 弟弟 he challenges you for the leadership role, and I can tell that this is a problem for you, but sometimes, you have to give in, so that you can take some back later.

I must also admit that you are taking my lead to see how I handle 弟弟. When I scream at him more, you scream at him more as well. That, I hope you can realize that it is not the way to go. Of course in leading by example, I am also trying not to scream at him and you more, so that you as well as your 弟弟 can learn to talk to each other in a conversational tone. Alas! that can be so trying at times, being a dad to give you boys instructions, without screaming. Please remember, a dad communicating with his sons, is different from that when a 哥哥 communicates with his 弟弟.

Te other part of the story is, how a 哥哥 receives the communication from his 弟弟 as well! Since it is always a 2 way street. You 弟弟 will be right sometimes, and you must have the humility to know that. Being the younger of the 2, you need to know that he will have characteristics that complements yours. work towards that complements, and let that gel your brotherhood. Being an elder brother, I hope you come to realize, is not so much about leadership, but more like having someone to walk with you from birth to death. Embrace your 弟弟 and love him, because like what I said so often to the both of you, It will be the 2 of you, against the world, when your parents die.

 

 

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