I think the relationship between you and me will; be trying. You’ve always possess a stubborn streak. And when I punished you when you are naughty, you will always hunker into your shell and refuse to admit to your mistakes and misdeeds even when you are caught red-handed!
3 days back, when I sent Ian to school, while mum send you to school. This is quite the norm, as Ian’s school is a different direction from your PCF. I learned from my wife, your mother, that you actually didn’t want to go to school because you thought that I was going to send you to school. According to your mother, you eventually went with teary eyes.
I think our ‘trying’ relationship is an opportunity to develop into something special. Something unique. You cannot be reached with ‘hardness’ but with ‘softness’. This is often so trying for me because, even with softness, sometimes it is so difficult to get to you, to make you see the reality of things.
But that morning, when you needed me to send you to school, I grow to realise that your need for your dad, is implicit, we may have our differences, every time you get punished. But deep down inside, I can tell that you know your dad takes up a big place in your heart. I couldn’t see that and in fact I worry of a diminished presence. I think I often let the insecurity gets better of me, and fail to see the default dad position i am in, your heart. And yet the paradoxically perspective that I work hard to make sure that i do not take the default position for granted. and sometimes working hard, often backfires, as in your case.
You and I have a lot of work to do and I’m sure we will get where we are, hand in hand Dad and Son.